Kimee's Klutter

I spoke to (C) & by speak I mean email. It’s easier to talk than chat. It’s gonna be ok. Just need time. I will wait.

I never meet anyone from those dating sites.  I don’t trust their motives & I am usually right, after about 10 minutes of talking, the conversation usually ends up in the gutter.  I can’t understand that.  Oh yea baby, I don’t even know anything about you but I will be right over.  I mean what would you say when you met?  Where do you want me?

(C) was different.  I am usually petrified of meeting someone & I am shy to a fault.  (C) was different.  We talked & talked & the time seemed to fly by.  He seemed like he was having a good time too.  Every morning I would get a “Good Morning Sweetheart”.  He made me feel pretty & wanted.  It was a good feeling.

I don’t know how to feel now.  I’m not sure if this is temporary & the more I talk about it & freak out about it, I will just make things worse?  But he’s temporarily unavailable.  He’s still online but distant.  Part of my own past, I’m afraid that I said something or did something & now he doesn’t want to see me again.  Why can’t they just say, I don’t want to see you anymore?  Or this isn’t working.  Or something.  It hurts not knowing.  And you know what, as I type this, I hear myself as a broken record.  I never know what’s wrong.  Why is that?

I might be making something out of nothing.  I’m not sure.  They say it’s better to have loved & lost, than to have never of loved at all.  I’m not so sure.  I feel foolish, hurt, sad, broken, unwanted, & a host of other feelings.  That hurts more than how amazing he made me feel for a few short weeks.  I can’t keep getting on roller coasters like this.  My heart can’t take it.

Today has been a month since he first “winked” at me. It would take another 8 days for me to agree to meet him. What a difference a month makes.

I sure hope so   I could blame the way I feel on the emotional week I had last week or even the Super Moon last night, but that is just part of it.  I really like him.

This is total over reacting, I think.  It hasn’t even been a week.  We’ve still talked, what is my problem?  I honestly thought I would learn from (J) & I was doing pretty damn good if I do say so myself, until (C) came along.

So how do I feel right now?  Lonely.  Heartache.  Sadness.  I feel like the longer I don’t see him, the more I send him a message asking if he is ok & needs anything, the more I will become a pain, be considered a psycho & easily ditched.  I feel awkward because “us” wasn’t discussed.  I don’t want to waste another 3 years believing there is an us when there never was, according to him.

Things happened so fast & then it’s like he’s been ripped out of my life.  Temporarily?  I hope so, cause I really miss him.

I met someone. It’s complicated. But not as complicated as others I guess. I never meet anyone from any site, I talk to them, email them & then we don’t meet. I chicken out, or they loose interest. It just never happens. This one was different. His name is (C) by the way.

(C) was persistent. He was nice from the beginning & didn’t turn the conversation into the gutter like most do. He asked to meet, I had plans/couldn’t/was chicken, he asked again. Finally I agreed. When I saw him in his truck I was like JACKPOT. He was really cute!! We met at Dunkins & talked for about 3 hours. He kissed me goodnight; startled I gave him a peck back.

Good guy, he listens. I agreed to see him again, but honestly I was going to tell him that I was not interested as the situation is complicated & I don’t want anymore complications in my life. Well we sat & talked & talked & it was mutual, not just me talking to fill time. Time just flew, something clicked. Complicated or not, I didn’t want to say goodbye He is an awesome kisser I’ve seen him three times now.