Aug 6

I need a mental health day!

I haven’t had a day off since June.  It seems like everyday I am ON.  I want to do soooo much but don’t do anything.  I think that is my problem, I want to to do too much.  I over burden myself with lofty goals & stuff but life gets in the way & then I get discouraged.  I wanted to do the Blogalong with Effy Challenge for the month of August but that didn’t happen.  Well it didn’t happen for 5 days.  I did today & I still have 24 more days.  I can still participate.  I need to be more forgiving with myself.

But that is just ONE thing.  I mean I signed up for all these creative online things & never do them, then at the end of the year, I find myself doing a download marathon.  Downloading all the lessons I never did, promising myself that I would get to it.  Problem is, they will totally help & inspire me & get my creative juices flowing & possibly some financial juices as well.  Don’t even get me started with finances.  Taking care of too many people & too many things :(   I will get my day off soon.

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Jul 22

12.8 more pounds!

I have not weighted this little in my entire adult life.  If you told me 6 months ago that I would be posting my weight online, I would have told you that you were crazy.  I had weight loss surgery 5.5 months ago, 2/4/13.  Since then I have lost 67.2 pounds!  Most importantly, I am no longer diabetic!  My AC1 went from 11.2 to 5.4!  I feel great.  Just 12.8 more pounds until I am in ONEderland!  Then I get to go horseback riding for the first time in my life :)

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Jul 22

Great weekend with (K)

I just spend a great weekend with (K).  He’s away at school for another 3 weeks.
I miss him.  We went out to eat with my best friend (J) & his boyfriend (J) to my favorite restaurant, the 99 :)  Aren’t we cute?

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Jul 7

Block of the Month – Quilters Common – Block #3

So this one is due next week.  I messed up cutting on one piece.  I cut 6/8 instead of 7/8.  That is such a weird measurement right?  I mean why not just do a solid inch?  You would not believe how much tat one little sliver means in the construction of the block.  It’s cool, if you mess up, they will give you extra fabric.  I don’t plan on making that mistake often.

Block #3 – June 2013

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Jul 7

Block of the Month – Quilters Common – Block #2

So I didn’t return the first block in time, so I had to pay $6 for the fabric.  It’s ok, I learned a lot.  That is the last $6 I plan on spending.  :)   This one I whipped up quickly.

Block #2 – May 2013

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Jul 7

Block of the Month – Quilters Common – Block #1

So I am taking part in a Block of the Month.  This is the first Block of the Month I have actually participated in & I am actually doing it.  You basically pay for the first month, I think it was like $10/pattern & $6/fabric & then as long as you bring it in on time, the rest of the fabric is free.  I have to admit, I did not return the first one on time.  I sewed & re-sewed that damn thing a million times, but I learned soooo much.  This is the first block.  I never made anything with triangles before.  It’s all been squares.

Block #1 – April 2013

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Apr 18

New letter in my life (K)

So there is this app on my phone called SKOUT.  That is where I met (C).  I’ve winked at (K) a few times & we spoke briefly, but this time, we talked & hit it off.  We actually met on Tuesday.  We got there at 6:30PM & did not leave until 5:30AM!  11 hours of talking.

Last night we spent another marathon talking session, this time on the phone.  9:00PM to 5:30AM.  Boy am I tired, but this is a good thing.  He’s pretty awesome.  His name is (K).

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Apr 15

Saw (C)

Tonight I went to see (C).  It was short & sweet.  He wasn’t sorry/regretful/whatever the word I am trying to think of.  I mean he never saw me in the last 2 1/2 months.  I don’t know what the hell happened.  I don’t know why I wanted to see him tonight.  I think I just wanted to confront him & figure out what the hell is wrong with me.  Why do people just disappear & not say goodbye.  But I didn’t.  We talked like normal & then we kissed good night.  He’s a great kisser, but I deserve better than that.  He is occupied for the next 10 days.  After that, we’ll see if HE deserves ME.

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Mar 19

Not eating well :(

So today was a bad day.  I worked from home because of the snow storm.  Hello, tomorrow is Spring!  What the hell was that Groundhog smoking?  Anyways, I worked from home & I had literally nothing to eat :(   I had about 20 grams of protein & about 20 ounces of liquid :(   I know not enough.

So what did I have.  I woke up with a few sips of water with protein (Special K, 5 grams per 20 ounces).  It was left over from last night when I couldn’t finish it.  Then about 3 hours later I had a Nature Valley Protein bar (10 grams).  Then about 8 hours later I had a few pieces of chicken that was baked & way too dried out to actually eat.  YAY.  The water intake has been ok now that I think about it, less than 20 ounces.

So why?  Everyone tells me, you gotta eat.  Yea, I know.  It actually scares me that I am not eating.  The scale certainly thinks I am eating.  I know that you have to eat in order to loose weight, if I don’t eat, my body will think I am starving myself & protect every fat cell it can.  I know all this.

The reason why is I am not hungry.  I don’t have the time.  I don’t have anything to eat, I don’t know what to eat & I just don’t like anything.  Sounds like excuses, I know.  We could break down these further.

I am not hungry.  Too bad missy.  You gotta eat!  Every 3 hours tops!!!
I don’t have the time.  Eat every 3 hours, but don’t drink 30 minutes before or after you eat.  You gotta get about 16 ounces of water in every 3 hours to get what is needed.  So I have 2 hours in between eating to drink.  I just don’t have that kind of time.  I have to talk to people on the phone & type & stuff.  Plus playing to math game to see if I can eat or drink.  It’s killing me.  (No not eating is eventually going to kill you!)
I don’t have anything to eat.  I have to eat differently from my family.  Eating healthy isn’t exactly something we do here.  I got a few things but they are gone, or something I can’t eat all the time (protein bars).  I need to put more foods on the shopping list that I can eat.  I also need to find space to store my stuff.
I don’t know what to eat.   Yes I do.  I have a list from the nutritionist.  Well that is mostly true.  I am at the stage right now where she said “go play” & I am really sick of the shakes & scrambled eggs.  So I am looking for other things & I just panic & get scared, not knowing if I can have that.  I need a better plan.
I don’t like anything.  My tastes change every single day.  What I like today, I will hate tomorrow.  I am a fussy eater anyways.  That was my main concern before I did this.  :(

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Mar 10

Happy Anniversary minus One Week!

So I have been “seeing”/”dating”/whatever you call it these days (C) for a whole year!  We met on an app on my iphone.  I’ve written about this before.  I am a member of all those dating sites.  I normally don’t get responses unless they live 1000+ miles away or are totally not my type.  On the rare occasion that someone does contact me, we talk for a while & a few things either happen.  1) The conversation goes straight into the gutter.  2)  They just stop talking to me.  3)  They want to meet but I chicken out.

(C) was patient with me.  He “winked” at me Easter Day, when I was cleaning my room & actually trapped in my room.  We talked a bit, he was cute & I nice distraction from cleaning my room.  He wanted to meet but I was a mess & chicken.  It took 8 days of clean conversation to convince me to meet him.  This Saturday will be one year since we met.

So for some reason I didn’t delete that app off my phone.  It’s in a folder & I never see it really.  But for some reason this weekend I kept getting all these notifications, so I went on it to clear the notifications & the first picture I see is (C).  He uploaded new pictures ONE WEEK AGO!  Why is he on that app?  Sure I logged on it, but that was to clear messages, he is ACTIVE on it.

I don’t even know what to think.  Why doesn’t anyone just break up with me?  I’ve been told that I’m too nice & no one wants to hurt me.  I am hurt by never knowing what the hell went wrong.  I sound like a broken record, same thing happens all the time.

So I don’t know what our “status” is.  I don’t know what he is looking for.  I haven’t been the clingy type asking to see him & stuff.  He has his own stuff going on.  I mean no hospital visit!  No Valentines teddy or card, or anything!  This.  3 strikes?  Probably :(   I sent him an email, explaining WTF guy!  Asking for some sort of explanation.  I don’t think I am going to get one :(   I think I am single?

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